Creation and Creativity

The genesis of this blog has been a long time coming. I have ruminated on starting a blog for a long time now and have delayed and waylaid myself countless times. I have decided not to wait any longer. 

Long have I struggled with my desire to be creative. A combination of fear and pride has prevented me from public demonstrations of my creativity and imagination. I am aware of how silly it sounds to state that starting a blog is an act of bravery for me, but it is so. I am putting my work, and by extension my self, out into the world for all to see. It is dramatic to suggest as much, but in doing so I am baring my soul, to be torn apart or praised. 

It is certain, however, that the opinions of anyone who engages with my output is not the motivation for publishing. I wish I was thick-skinned enough to not let criticism affect me. Similarly, I wish I did I not find such validation in praise and approval. Perhaps one of the benefits of this blog will be finding the mental fortitude to not be so affected by the opinions of others. As for the true motivation, why does anyone create anything? Some create for pleasure, some for money. Some create to exorcise demons and others create to share beauty. In my case, it is for meaning. I have been treading water in the existential vacuum for some time now, desperate for something to hold onto or to push off of. I believe acting on my lifelong desire to create art, tell stories and express myself will provide such a springboard. 

I am not entirely sure what creativity means to me or what it looks like – how it will manifest itself. I am sure that I want to create though. I know it will not result in anything tangible. I lack the motor skills to create physical art. I have always wanted to be a musician so I am like to start there. My lyrics leave a lot to be desired so I am hoping that exercising my writing muscle will help improve this. 

In summary, I’ve no idea what this blog will consist of in the future. There are ideas floating about in my head but I am unsure if they will come to fruition. I may just be shouting into the abyss for no one to ever read it. If that is to be the case, then fine. I would be satisfied with having the balls to shout at all.